Whether consciously or sub-consciously, from the time we are born, we are programmed to be fearful . And not only fearful, but subjected by society, meaning by men, to restrictions of what they deem as permissible. We hear repeatedly what a “woman’s job” is supposed to be. And behind that restrictive behavior lies fear. Fear that we might cross the line and put ourselves in jeopardy some way, whether physical, emotional, or financial.
As a child, we are constantly warned to be careful. Small words of warning that corral us into that tiny box that says we have to watch out and beware. From the beginning of it all, we are separated into “what boys do” and “what girls do”. Even the color of clothing has been gender restricted. It’s a subliminal message that tells us from the time we’re little, there are things that only “boys” can do. I call BS.
As we grow into our adolescent and teenage years, the fear mongering turns more to social interactions. We have to be concerned about our safety when we date, when we go out in public, when we are alone. The danger is real and we know it, so fear of the unknown is always somewhere in the back of our minds. Anxiety is commonplace with women because we live in a world that poses higher safety risks. We are viewed as sexual objects and often are the recipients of unwanted sexualized encounters. It’s no wonder we have a higher rate of anxiety. Fear of violence is part of our existence and leaves us always on the alert…and fearful.
The hypocrisy of it all galls me to no end. There is such a double standard. Men want us to be virginal but a vixen in the bedroom. Yet, sexual experience is something our male counterparts strive to achieve. It’s a badge of honor, confirming I’m a “real man”. Yet a woman who enjoys sexual freedom is labeled a “slut” and “used”. The arrogance of this hypocrisy is disgusting and this all goes back to body autonomy. There should never be a question as to what or how or when you do anything with your own body. And what experience you may have regarding sex, has nothing to do with whether or not you’re a good person and deserving of love.
I don’t know how many times I’ve hear the notion that women need to be intelligent but not so smart as to make the man in her life feel “less than”. What BS! Any man who needs his ego stroked like that isn’t a real man and not worthy of your attention. In fact, you should run away as fast as you can! Without doubt, we are fed this load of crap to keep us subservient. It’s always about being subservient. Be less than…be obedient, provide for his every need with no concern about your own needs. It’s all a load of horse manure and more and more women are realizing just that. We desire loving relationships, not to be anyone’s mommy or servant.
We live in a world full of hidden dangers. Could be that co-worker who’s jealous that you got the promotion instead of him. Could be the new boyfriend or husband who has control issues. Could be some random stranger following you down the street. This fear is real and can’t be dismissed. That’s why we need to be smarter about our choices. Keep in mind, being cute or sexy is worth a glance, but is it a valid reason to pursue a relationship? Look for something deeper. Watch for the guy who supports every dream you have and isn’t threatened by any accomplishment you achieve. Watch for the guy that doesn’t need to be told the trash needs to go out because he’s a responsible human being and can see it needs to go out, so he does it before you utter a single word. He might not be the cutest or sexiest, but he’s the one that will fill your life with joy.
We can’t get rid of all the fear, but we can minimize a good part of it by making better choices in the people we let into our lives. Don’t be so thirsty that you accept anyone that comes along. Take your time. Make better choices. Look beyond the physical. Being single is much better than being with the wrong person. Put yourself first and find people who fill you up instead of drain all your joy. I wish I’d known all this when I was a younger woman. I sure would’ve save myself a lot of heartache and not wasted time on any guy not worth my time.