I keep coming back to this subject because it continues to be an issue for too many women. And now we have so many misogynistic men in our government actively trying to suppress women and their rights. This angers me to my core. As a young woman, I was never told about this type of man and to be wary of them, so like so many, I fell into this trap. It was a nightmare and a part of my life I regret. I would not wish this on anyone. So, here we go again. Perhaps this information might save just one woman from falling into the trap and suffering the humiliation and heart break of dealing with this type of man.
The definition of misogyny is the hatred of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women and girls. The ones that are overtly hostile are easy to spot. These men openly make degrading comments and jokes about women and their bodies. They bully and often terrorize their target. But it’s the subtle, insidious behavior that can be difficult to identify. These men often disguise their behavior or attitudes as “jokes” or perhaps concerns over traditional values and the roles women are perceived to fill. So, what to look for?
Jekyll & Hyde personalities
He’s the guy that will “love bomb” you when you first meet and date. He’s overly complimentary and showers you with time and attention. Initially, he’s intensely romantic and charismatic, all which are aimed at lowering your defenses. After the “honeymoon stage”, suddenly he becomes critical and demeaning, undermining the woman’s confidence in the relationship and making her insecure. Often, this man will turn the tables and try to discredit the woman and make her feel she’s at fault for any problems in the relationship.
Control and possessiveness
This misogynist will often seek to control women’s actions, thoughts and independence. He may try to dictate what you wear or how you do your hair and makeup. He will try to control your access to friends and family or even your job, so as to make you more dependent on him. This man will assume authority over your financial, social or personal choices, treating you like your input has no value and only he has the skill or authority to handle those things.
Disrespect and devaluation
Not hard to spot this one. This is the guy that will cut a woman off mid-sentence during a conversation or meeting. He might “mansplain” or speak over the woman in a condescending or patronizing way, often about a topic she knows well or better than him. This man is likely to repeat her idea and claim credit for it.
Boxing her into gendered expectations
This guy thinks he knows what a woman’s “place” in life is. He’s the one that assumes the woman in the room is the one fetching the coffee or taking notes for the meeting. He might comment about a female needing to be more feminine or nurturing. He might be the one to comment how women belong in the home instead of the workplace because he strongly believes women should conform to traditional roles of being subservient. This man may also feel entitled to sex on demand, whether you’re interested in it or not. After all, he thinks that’s your role in the relationship.
Sexism
Examples of this man are easy to spot. He’s the one that might say “isn’t that just like a woman” or “don’t be like a pussy”. He might “slut-shame” by speculating on a woman’s sex life, then turn around and boast about his own. This man sees women as beneath men and solely as a sexual objects to be used. He may hold a deep anger or contempt for feminism and women’s rights.
Policing a woman’s tone
I’m sure you’ve witness this type of guy. He’s the man who expresses that women are “too emotional”, “too aggressive”, or “bossy” for simply expressing an opposing opinion. This man is the one who will tell you to “calm down” when a woman speaks out about any topic.
The female token
We see this a lot. This man might comment how you are a diversity hire and not qualified to do the job. Or that because you are a diversity hire (in his opinion) and you get a promotion, it’s not because you worked your butt off and earned it. It’s because you slept your way to the top. This one is a real problem because it devalues women’s contributions and reduces them to symbols rather than talent or skill.
Criticism of your appearance
We see this one a lot, too. Judgement of a woman’s credibility based on how she’s dressed. This man will comment more about how a woman looks rather than what she says or does. This judgement reduces a woman to a sexual object and robs her of her humanity. This attitude is how rapists get away with their crimes.
Subtle misogyny may not seem like a big deal (especially to men) but its cumulative effect is significant. This behavior erodes women’s confidence and self-worth and it reinforces systemic barriers to equality. This behavior often creates hostile or unwelcoming environments for women and sends a message that women’s contributions are of less value and shouldn’t be taken seriously.
So, how do men get away with this? By acting like it’s no big deal. You’re being too sensitive. You’re reading too much into it. It was just a joke. Where’s you sense of humor? And there is a name for this manipulation. It’s called gaslighting, which minimizes the real harm and shifts blame onto the person pointing it out. Subtle misogyny isn’t about just one individual. It’s about the small but persistent ways our culture reinforces gender inequality. Recognizing this behavior is about awareness and holding men accountable for their attitudes and behavior.
We can change what we don’t acknowledge. Men certainly aren’t going to be the one’s calling it out, so that leaves women to hold them accountable. You deserve the same respect and rights as any man who walks this earth. If you see misogyny, speak out. It will never change unless we all speak up.