When we fall in love, we don’t think about red flags. That warm rush of dopamine blinds us from all but the joy we’re feeling from this new relationship. Looking for a problem isn’t even on the radar. But more and more, women are realizing that even though they are feeling all warm and fuzzy about this great guy, we absolutely must watch out for the red flags. One in four women experience an abusive relationship. Abuse isn’t something that rarely happens these days, so knowing and recognizing the warning signs has become a necessity to keep us safe and ensure our happiness.
Emotional abuse is probably the most common. It may not be as recognizable as physical abuse because it’s sneakier since the heart gets involved and the waters get muddy. Perhaps we delude ourselves into thinking his unkind words or actions are not really abuse. Maybe we believe we can change him if we’re just patient enough. Nothing could be further from the truth. You cannot change who a man is, no matter how amazing a woman you are. And any man that is making you feel bad about yourself or “less than” does not love you. Real love doesn’t make you feel like that.
Here are some warning signs to be on the lookout for:
- Love bombing. Early in the relationship he flatters you constantly and seems “too good to be true”. He wants to move too quickly into the relationship.
- He wants you all to himself, so he urges you to give up activities, possibly quit school or your job so you can be with him more. He begins to isolate you from other relationships.
- He gets excessively jealous and accuses you of being unfaithful.
- He criticizes you or puts you down, calls you names, or tells you that no one else would ever want or love you.
- He takes no responsibility for his behavior and always blames others for failed relationships.
- He listens in on your conversations or insists that you put the call on speaker. He goes through your phone to monitor who you’re interacting with.
- Gaslighting. He blames you for the abuse or acts like it’s not happening.
- He doesn’t honor your boundaries and makes you feel like you need permission to do things, ultimately wanting to make all decisions in the relationship.
- You find yourself making excuses for his bad behavior.
Physical abuse is pretty obvious and can be done in combination with the emotional abuse. Shoving, biting, slapping, punching, kicking, choking and even retraining you are all undeniable abuses. Physical abuse can also include threatening to hurt or kill you, or hurt or kill your pet. He might damage property in front of you or intimidate you by banishing weapons. He might force you to use drugs or alcohol to keep control of you. Physical abuse is life threatening and immediate action should be taken to remove yourself from that person.
Physical abuse can also include sexual abuse. He might pressure you to have sex when you don’t want to or do sexual acts that make you uncomfortable. He might make you feel guilty if you don’t want sex or he might try to control access to birth control or other medications. This is all for the purpose of control.
Another form of abuse that’s not always noticeable is financial. He might take your money or refuse to give you money for expenses. This is usually in combination with discouraging you from working to earn your own money. He wants you completely dependent upon him.
There are a lot of red flags to warn women that the man working so hard to charm them isn’t charming at all. Be aware of these red flags. Being single is way better and healthier than being in a controlling and abusive relationship. It’s no wonder that more and more women are choosing to opt out of relationships altogether and are focusing on creating joy and balance in their own lives.
Being in love is probably one of the most wonderful feelings there is. But in today’s world, safety has become a growing issue for women. So even though he may seem perfect, watch for the signs that might just save you from a lot of heartache or possible danger. If you recognize any of these red flags and need help getting out of an abusive relationship, the abuse hotline number is 800-799-7233.