The mother-daughter relationship is a powerful and complex bond that can either be the greatest relationship or the worst. It’s important to understand that a mother has the power to profoundly influence her daughter’s self-worth, body image and overall sense of self. The wrong words or actions can cause emotional damage and possibly severe the relationship. To have a healthy mother-daughter relationship, there must be a positive dynamic with mutual acceptance, individual autonomy and open communication. This allows both the mother and daughter to grow into their separate, evolving roles.
When I started to have children, I knew little to nothing about being a mother. My own mother died when I was fourteen, which exposed me to a trauma that followed me well into my adult life. My memories of her are loving because her interaction with me was loving. However, I’ve come to realize that even though I loved her dearly, she was not perfect as a mother. She was subservient to my father and yielded to any decision he made, even if it was wrong. I was determined not to make the same mistake and allow anyone to overrule what I knew in my heart was right or wrong. This one particular aspect of her mothering played a major role in how I behaved as a mother. As I stated before, a mother has the power to profoundly influence their daughter, positively or negatively.
Being a mom is a full time, 24/7, job and it’s not easy to turn that off. But once your daughter is an adult, to maintain a healthy relationship, it’s an absolute must that mothers shift gears and respect the boundaries that come with dealing with your child as an adult. This is not necessarily an easy thing to do because somewhere inside us we want to hold onto our “little girl”. But we must accept our daughters for who they are and are becoming, rather than trying to change them into a version of ourselves.
I have two beautiful daughters that are complete opposites of each other, so my interaction with each of them is quite different. Letting go of the little girls I knew them to be and accepting the women they became was not necessarily an easy thing to do but definitely a requirement in order to have a healthy relationship with both. I cannot say I’m a perfect mother and I’m sure my girls could offer up moments when I wasn’t at my best. But I hope they know I tried my best to be the mother they needed and know the depth of love and respect I have for them. Hopefully, that outweighs any moment of disappointment they felt at any point in time.
It’s easy for the line between friendship and parental role to become blurred once you have an adult daughter. Overstepping or interference can trigger very negative feelings and resentments that can destroy the mother-daughter bond. Imbalance in the relationship can cause a deterioration of that relationship. Acceptance and approval from both parties inspires a power dynamic that fosters a positive and healthy bond.
The mother-daughter relationship is a unique connection that can transcend other family relationships. A good mother-daughter relationship is linked to a decrease in depression, anxiety and stress, leading to healthier behavior and positive social interactions. Cultivate open and authentic communication with your daughter, even when you disagree. Respect boundaries on both sides. By doing this, you will nurture a better understanding of each other and deepen the connection between you.