What comes to mind when you hear the word abuse? Do you automatically think of physical abuse? I think most people do. But abuse isn’t necessarily physical. It can also be emotional, verbal or psychological…which all leave deep scars that affect every aspect of life. Coping with abuse starts with recognizing it is never your fault and that you deserve safety, respect and care.
For me, my husband’s actions were very subtle. It was a comment about how I cleaned the house or the food I’d prepared or a “joke” about my weight. These were off-handed comments made randomly that didn’t alert me to anything being amiss. Over time, these “comments” came more frequently and became more hurtful. He systematically isolated me from family and friends. I felt alone and began to doubt myself. I felt unattractive and insecure. He even said to me once that I should be grateful he married me because no other man would want me. The thing that drives me nuts is I never saw this coming. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would end up in an abusive and manipulative relationship. I suffered his indignities for years because we had three children and I didn’t want to disrupt their home. But then he started directing this abusive behavior towards my son and that was the last straw.
Fear is a powerful weapon an abuser uses to keep you under their control. But keep in mind, that even though you may feel alone…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Here are some guidelines to help you recognize and cope if you feel you are in an abusive relationship.
Prioritize Your Safety If you are in immediate danger, your safety comes first. This may mean contacting emergency services, finding a safe space, or reaching out to a trusted friend or family member. Creating a safety plan – such as having essential documents, money and emergency contacts ready – can be a lifesaving step.
Seek Support Abuse can make you feel isolated, but you are not alone. Consider confiding in someone you trust or reaching out to support services such as hotlines, advocacy groups or counseling centers. Speaking with professionals trained in trauma support can help you navigate your emotions and options.
Understand the Cycle of Abuse Abuse often follows patterns, such as tension building, incidents of harm, reconciliation and calm. Recognizing these patterns can help you make informed decisions and break the cycle.
Care for Your Mental Health Healing from abuse involves processing pain in a safe environment. Therapy, support groups, journaling and mindfulness can help manage anxiety, depression and self-doubt. Remember that emotional recovery takes time and progress may come in small steps.
Rebuild You Self-Worth Abuse can damage confidence, but it does not define you. Celebrate small victories, reconnect with activities you love and surround yourself with people who uplift you.
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, consider contacting the National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.) at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or visiting www.thehotline.org for confidential help. Your safety and healing matter…YOU MATTER…and there is a path forward toward freedom and peace.