I will state this right up front…motherhood is not for everyone. Some women simply have no interest in being a mother, others are not equipped emotionally or financially for the task. This brings me back to a previous post regarding body autonomy. It is the right of every woman to decide what to do with her body. So, if you have no desire to become a mother, that is your right and you are not in any way “less than” because you have made that choice. The very idea that any woman is judged because she doesn’t want to be a mother is ridiculous.
Being a mother is no joke. There are physical and emotional changes that happen right from the very beginning of pregnancy, which don’t magically disappear after the birth. Once that little bundle of joy is here, mom faces a whole new level of physical and emotional exhaustion. She faces a shift in her identity and the challenges of balancing career with family. Her hormone levels are ever changing and trying to readjust, which can affect her energy level and moods. Postpartum depression is a real thing and affects some women after birth. The key to handling these new challenges is to find balance, which includes asking for help if you need it.
There are no rule books to being a parent. All you will ever be able to do is your best in the moment. You are the safe harbor, the teacher, the source of unconditional love. Exhaustion, guilt and self-sacrifice come with the territory, but here’s where you should give yourself some grace.
Raising a child is a long-term experience, so you have to take care of yourself. Along with scheduling everyone else’s time, you must schedule your own time. A happy mother is a happy home. Take a few minutes each day to do simple self-care things. Take a nap. Soak in the tub. Shave your legs. Pluck your eyebrows. Paint your nails. Read a chapter from your favorite book, or simply find a quiet corner and breathe. Your family won’t implode because you took a few minutes for yourself. And it doesn’t matter if your house isn’t spiffy clean. The dirt won’t grow legs and walk away, so it will be there when you have time and energy to tackle it.
We women seem to take on the world. Maybe that comes from knowing we can do a better job of it, but that can be overwhelming and exhausting. If you have a partner and they are trying to help, let them. So what if he doesn’t change a diaper the way you do. Perfection is an illusion when it comes to parenting. As long as he’s trying, that’s all that matters. And he needs to feel like he’s good at his new role, just as much as you do. The last thing you ever want to do is start treating your significant other like you’re his mother and correcting his actions. You do you and let him to him. Best words of advice I could ever give you. Otherwise, you will end up carrying the burden of everything and alienating your significant other.
Being a mother is a multifaceted journey that is a unique and transformative experience. It can shape you in profound ways, leaving an indelible mark on your heart and very being. Embracing the ups and downs with grace and resilience is the key to navigating the extraordinary journey called motherhood. You will make mistakes but you will also have great successes. GIVE YOURSELF GRACE. You don’t have to be perfect. Just do your best and take care of yourself while you’re taking care of them.